I’ve mentioned before that I’ve started doing Zumba as a form of exercise. I usually enjoy it. I’ve had two instructors that had me watching the clock, but otherwise, I find it relaxing, energizing, and just plain ol’ fun.
Tonight as I stood in the back of the studio, watching thirty women enjoy exercise, I thought about how much work my man put into this studio. It was an idea in his head for awhile, then he got it approved by the powers that be, then he found a place to rent and figured out the best materials to use in it. I wanted to yell out, “Hey! All of you enjoying this studio, my man did this! Isn’t he amazing? Aren’t I the luckiest girl in the world to be married to such a smart guy?”
Of course, I didn’t yell this, because really, I don’t like people staring at me. But that studio is an awesome place. And my man is awesome, too!

This is Baby Girl checking out the studio while it was still under construction.

We got to attend a parent/child yoga class during an open house in February. The little blonde watching Mama try a yoga pose? Yup, that’s my Baby Girl. She tried some of the stuff, but at this point she just wanted to be done.

Seriously, I’m married to the greatest guy who has the greatest job!

I was going to just make a list of things I’m thankful for, but then I saw Rachel‘s post and I had to join in! Let’s see if I can do this!

A – Autumn  I love it, all of it.

B – Baby Girl  She brightens every day. I am constantly amazed by her determination, love, sweet spirit, sense of humor, and smarts.

C – Camera I am not a professional photographer by any means, but I love capturing moments with my camera. I love looking back at the pictures and reliving the memories. 

D – Dad  My dad and I are very close. We don’t always see eye-to-eye, and our relationship has had some really trying times (all of high school, for instance), but he is one of my number one fans. We email every morning. It’s one of the best parts of my day.

E – Eating  I do love to eat. Hopefully my metabolism never slows down.

F – Facebook  Yup, I said it. I have cousins that I wouldn’t ever talk to if it weren’t for Facebook. It can be a time-zapper, but it is a blessing, too.

G – Grace I can’t imagine where I’d be or where I’d be going without God’s grace.

H – Heat Now that the temperature dropped I am grateful to enter my home and feel warmth.

I – Ice cream  I really don’t think I could live without it. Seriously.

J – Jammin’ with Baby Girl She loves to dance, lately…mostly to Christmas music. So you can find us in the kitchen while supper is cooking getting our groove on. I am an awful dancer, but it sure is fun to let loose with my girl.

K – Kitchen  I love this room in my house. It’s homey and bright. I love baking. And more often than not, this is where we end up talking…to each other and to company.

L – Love  I love many and I am loved by many.

M – My man  He is supportive, loving, helpful, sweet, and just so darn nerdy. I love him!

N – Nail polish  Painting my nails always makes me feel put together and stylish. I love painting Baby Girl’s too; it’s girl time for us.

O – Outdoors  We love walking, especially on bright sunny days. Right now it’s snowing, so we will be outdoors today!

P -  Parents  One of the best things about becoming a parent is watching your parents become grandparents. So fun!

Q – Quiet time  I love my kids, but I also love the few minutes every afternoon that I get to myself.

R – Running Yes, I’m thankful for it. I’m thankful for the opportunity to exercise and have some “me” time. And I love the feeling of accomplishment when I set a goal and succeed!

S – Son  The five months I have had that little guy have been some of the hardest and yet most rewarding months of my life. I can’t imagine my family without him.

T – Tigers My Clemson Tigers, that is. C-L-E-M-S-O-N!

  source

U – United States of America  I love this country!

V – Vacation  While we weren’t able to take a true vacation this year, we did get to take several trips to see family. And when there’s family (and free babysitting) around, it’s just as good as a vacation!

W – Winter  I do love winter. It’s hard to be stuck inside, but I love how beautiful the snow is. I love celebrating Thanksgiving, Christmas, Baby Girl’s birthday, Valentine’s Day…all of it! Don’t get me wrong, by March I am ready for the next season!

X – X-rays  You may think this is here because it’s the only thing that starts with X, but truly I am grateful. My dad had x-rays taken because of back pain, and they found an abdominal aortic aneurysm. So glad the x-rays were taken and caught the aneurysm early!

Y – You, my readers (all together now: awwww) I am grateful that you stick with me when I rant, rave, and brag about my kids

Z – Zoltan I can’t remember the guy’s last name, but he’s a kicker for the Patriots. His name makes me smile. I don’t know why, just does. And it reminds me that I’m thankful for sports. They’re fun to play, watch, cheer for, etc.

Awhile ago I posted from my heart. It’s a struggle I have often. What’s my purpose? Why did I get two education degrees in order to sweep under the dining room table…again? Will I ever feel that I’m using my brain again (other than to figure out how much pasta I need to make a casserole)? One of my readers recommended a book for me to read. I am horrible at reading non-fiction, self-help type books. If it doesn’t have a storyline I often only get 1/3 of the way through it. I know, it’s sad. I have parenting books, marriage books, etc that I have yet to finish (or, ahem, start). So I was skeptical. However, I got it for a penny on Amazon and with shipping it only put me out $4. I can handle that. I also read somewhere that it was short…bonus! My copy of The Invisible Woman: When Only God Sees came in the mail a few days ago and it sat on my desk. This afternoon while my sick baby sat watching another show on PBS I cracked it open. And then I read the entire thing. I wanted to read more; I wanted to finish it. It was inspiring and encouraging.

I started writing down quotes from the book, but then Baby Girl cuddled up next to me and I only had one hand. But here are two things I wrote down from early in the book.

“Shouldn’t someone tell you that you’re going to wake up one day in the middle of a marriage and two kids and feel as if your life has suddenly vanished?” I have felt that way! I look around and say, “Wait, is this what I dreamed of? Is this why I went to college?”

“Your kids cannot give you meaning; your husband cannot make your life count. Only you can find where the meaning comes from–no one else can do it for you. It’s a deep question that has to be settled in the core of who you are, not by what is going on around you. You have doubts about yourself, so you think that everyone else must have doubts about you too.”

The book goes on to talk about doing what you’re doing not for the praise of your friends, acquaintances, or even your family, but doing it so that God sees it. Did you know that the people building the great cathedrals in Europe would put gorgeous carvings behind walls? They didn’t expect people to see them. They did that just to glorify God. They were intentional about their desire to be anonymous. Wow! I often do things so that people will notice. And let me tell you, when my man doesn’t notice the spotless kitchen or the clean and folded clothes put in his drawers, I get frustrated. I mean, doesn’t he know it took me all day to get those tasks down, between holding babies, fixing lunch, kissing boo-boos. Wouldn’t I be so much more at peace if I just did things because I knew God was watching? I think so.

I am going to read the book again. I want to really pour over the words this time (not racing to finish it before babies wake up). I may have more to say about it. I encourage you to read it, though, even if you aren’t a mom. It’s changed my perspective about why I do things the way I do things.

*Update on Baby Girl: She is definitely not feeling well, but she hasn’t thrown up since last night. Early this morning she asked for an ice cream. She’s had toast and has kept it down. Hopefully the fever will go down soon, too! Isn’t it too early for this kind of sickness?

I’ve been thinking through a lot lately (it’s the sleep deprivation, I’m sure of it!). I have really been upset that all I do is mother my kids. My only job is wife, mother, housekeeper, chef. It’s really been eating away at me. I mean, I look around and there are people doing other things with their lives…teaching, earning money, saving the world (well, I don’t personally know anyone doing that, but sometimes it feels like I’m the only one not wearing a cape). I want to do more. I want to help out financially. I want to make a difference and have people appreciate what I do.
But slowly it’s hit me. I am wearing a cape. I am raising two little humans. I have the most important job in the world. Do I get paid? No, not with a weekly paycheck. But this job ranks higher than any other job I’ve held before. I used to be a teacher…pretty important job. I helped struggling students achieve success. In my current job I am molding two little lives. We probably won’t live in a mansion because I earned the money for it. But I know the “pay” for this job will be far greater than cash.
Like I said, it’s been a lesson that’s slow in coming (wanna blame the sleep deprivation again?), but it’s sinking in. I read this blog the other day and she reminded me:

Motherhood (or fatherhood or being a caretaker for children) is our ministry.  It’s our calling.  And it’s the MOST important job/ministry we will have on this earth.

So even though many of the tasks associated with parenting are monotonous and seem menial, if we do them all the glory of God (especially while little eyes are watching), God will bless our efforts!

Then I read this blog and received yet another reminder of how important my job is.

Motherhood is not a hobby, it is a calling. You do not collect children because you find them cuter than stamps.
It is not something to do if you can squeeze the time in.
It is what God gave you time for.  –Rachel Jankovic

I’m realizing that I do have a job. I don’t need another one. God has given me the best job. Now I am trying to be more intentional in my mothering. I’m not running a daycare, I’m raising children. I don’t want my children to remember me talking about needing to get out, needing a job, wanting to earn money. I want my kids to know that I loved my job as mama so much that I chose to be home with them every day.
So there’s my heart this afternoon. Now, excuse me. My Buddy is fussing and he needs his mama. And I’m thrilled to meet that need!

While this may be a debatable topic, I am not writing to cause a debate. It’s been on my mind lately, so I’m typing it out. Please don’t get upset at me for my opinion. Please don’t yell at me because you disagree. Let’s keep it friendly, shall we?
I have mentioned that I have the great privilege of staying home with my Baby Girl and soon my little man. We don’t have some luxuries that we would if my man and I both worked, but we are doing just fine. God is taking care of us. I will admit that sometimes I would like to be a working mom. However, those times only make up about 5%. The other 95% of the time I love what I do and I wouldn’t change a thing.

Here are the pros I see to being a working mom: I could take sick days. I could talk to adults. I could put on dress clothes (and my heeled boots that get worn far too infrequently these days). I could get my haircut without feeling badly for spending the money.
Recently, this topic has come up in our household. I heard about someone who was tired and feeling a little down so she took a sick day. Her child, however, went to daycare. This sounds like a vacation to me! I’m not criticizing her, because if I could take sick days I would do it once in a while. Unfortunately, my job doesn’t allow for days off. The other day someone told me how they didn’t have to potty train their child. Their daycare provider was going to take care of it. I wrote to my mom and asked why I didn’t have someone to potty train Baby Girl. Her response was that I also get to do a lot of things with Baby Girl that this other person can’t do with her child. Would I give up all of those just to get out of potty training? Never!
When I see the list above I compare it to the other list: the pros I see to being a stay-at-home mom. I am raising my daughter the way I want to see her raised. I know what she is doing, learning, saying, etc. I get to play with her. I don’t run my errands alone; I have great company. I am constantly reminded about the little joys in life (today it was the “ding ding” sound the flag made in the wind). I can wear sweats to work. I can bake at work. There are so many more pros to this list. And I am thankful.

I know that being a SAHM is not an option for everyone. I don’t take that for granted. We are incredibly blessed. I also know moms that say they can’t imagine being home all day long. I don’t understand it, but I respect that decision. I have had those bad days when I tell my man that I just need something else to do. He always offers to let me go back to work. I don’t even hesitate in my answer…NO! I want to be home with my kids. That being said…I wouldn’t mind an afternoon out…lunch, pedicure, ice cream, nap, shopping.

I just looked for last year’s Easter post. The weather was warm and sunny, and that was the beginning of April. Oh well. We can still celebrate Christ’s resurrection, even with COLD weather (and rumors of snow!).

I wanted to see if I posted the following lyrics last year. I can’t find that I did. Either way, they are powerful, and I feel that I should post them again.

Oh, to see the dawn
Of the darkest day:
Christ on the road to Calvary.
Tried by sinful men,
Torn and beaten, then
Nailed to a cross of wood.

CHORUS:
This, the pow’r of the cross:
Christ became sin for us;
Took the blame, bore the wrath—
We stand forgiven at the cross.

Oh, to see the pain
Written on Your face,
Bearing the awesome weight of sin.
Ev’ry bitter thought,
Ev’ry evil deed
Crowning Your bloodstained brow.

Now the daylight flees;
Now the ground beneath
Quakes as its Maker bows His head.
Curtain torn in two,
Dead are raised to life;
“Finished!” the vict’ry cry.

Oh, to see my name
Written in the wounds,
For through Your suffering I am free.
Death is crushed to death;
Life is mine to live,
Won through Your selfless love.

FINAL CHORUS:
This, the pow’r of the cross:
Son of God—slain for us.
What a love! What a cost!
We stand forgiven at the cross.

I love this song, especially during Easter weekend. I am so grateful for what Christ did for me! Our little family has some fun Easter activities planned…egg hunts, painting eggs, Easter baskets, etc. But most importantly, we will spend this weekend thanking God for sending His Son to pay the price for us so that we can live in heaven some day!

Happy Easter to all of you!

I know I’m not the only one who feels the way I feel. I know a lot of people who say it outloud (even if it’s in “hidden messages”), but I know that most people go through life keeping their feelings inside. But I decided to write it out. Just to make sure I’m not the only one.

I need reassurance that I’m doing the right thing, that I’m doing things the right way. I need to know that the decisions I’ve made as a mother, wife, teacher, friend are good decisions. I look at my daughter and tell myself that I’m doing okay. She’s a good kid. She’s smart. She’s funny. But when someone else tells me any of those, I feel amazing! Maybe that’s the wrong attitude. Every parent must feel this way. Every wife and professional must feel this way. We all want to know that we’re loved, that we’re doing things the right way. Sometimes I want to say, “Do you think I’m doing ______ right?” “What should I do to be better at ________?” People just don’t go around asking those questions. Sometimes I find myself putting myself down so that I can hear people say, “Oh no, that’s not true.” Which, when I think about it, is worse than just outright asking for praise.

I am not writing this to ask for praise. I’m just getting this off of my chest. I’m just thinking through my feelings. I don’t have a journal, so you, my few readers, have to put up with my musings. Lucky ducks.

My man tells me that he thinks I’m doing great, that he loves me. And as long as he feels that way, and as long as I’m living my life the way God wants, then I am being successful. And in the end, that is all that matters.

Maybe you remember this post from December? I really can’t handle those huge multivitamins right now. So as I was perusing Target one day I happened to come across these:

What an awesome idea! I was stealing Baby Girl’s Flintstone vitamins. Now I’m getting all the stuff I should be getting. I’m not gagging. They even taste okay. Whoever thought these up should be given some special award. I’m sure mothers around the country would hug the person (it’s got to be a female, right?).

Anyway, this is what I’m loving on this Thursday. What about you? What do you love today?

Linked to Things I Love Thursday.

Alan Jackson sings a song with the above title. It talks about cornbread and chicken, a lot of porch-sitting. Let me say, this is not where I come from. I love the south! My years there were wonderful, but home is much farther north. New England is home. No matter where I live, it will always be home. Today, in the midst of more snow and a high on Saturday predicted to be 3 degrees, I decided to write about how much I love where I come from.

I love the seasons…four distinct, beautiful seasons. (I live in northern New England right now, and they claim five seasons…mud season comes between winter and spring. Let me tell you, it ain’t pretty. When we visited here to look at moving, we came in April…mud season. I cried for a week and was sure the “Green Mountain State” had been misnamed.) But I digress. Fall is my favorite. The colors are amazing! I mean, that’s why “leaf peepers” flock here from September to October. Then comes winter. Snow…glorious, cold, white snow! I love it. I love skiing, snowshoeing, shoveling, everything! I love when it gets so cold that it takes your breath away…Saturday, for instance, will be one of those days. I also have a love for sweaters, coats, boots, hats, etc. Fitting, right? What would I do in Florida?
Next is spring (I’m skipping mud season…just no need to go there again). It’s such a time of hope and anticipation. The flowers are coming out. This is when you go for a walk and realize that you can hear the birds again. The lakes and rivers are lacking the ice that covered them all winter. I love spring, too!
Finally, summer. Granted, there is no air conditioning…why would there be? It’s only that hot a few times each summer. I love the long nights, the gorgeous (and not too humid) days. I love going to the lake, playing at the park, riding bikes.

I know other areas of the country have seasons, but none can compare to the seasons here.

I appreciate the fact that we don’t worry about tornadoes, hurricanes, dust storms, landslides, earthquakes, etc. They happen, but it’s a rare event. The first time I saw a tornado-looking sky was in the south, and it scared me.

Due to my husband’s job, I will probably not get to live in New England forever. Because while they are perfect, their recreation departments can’t compare to the midwest and west. So someday we’ll probably move. And I will cry…probably hard (although right now I cry hard at anything…stupid hormones). I have tried to think of other places as wonderful as here. Colorado has tempted me, but you can’t get to the ocean in a few hours, or to Boston, or New York. I am forever thankful that I am a New Englander. I grew up watching my parents and grandparents, who have the values and heartiness that comes with living in this area. I want to be like them.
And I know this, we will visit. Baby Girl will learn to ski on these mountains. She will feel how incredibly cold the ocean in Maine is, even in July. She will hear the Boston accent and fall in love, just as I have. My heart will always be here with the mountains, oceans, farmland, cities, and most of all my sports teams…the Red Sox and the Patriots.

Where do you come from?

This is one of those contemplative posts, the ones that if you had any brains, you’d run far away from. Or where you’ll sit there and say, “this girl is completely crazy.” I know that already, so I won’t take too much offense. Let me also explain that I had a crazy dream and am awake at 4:30 in the morning. I hate waking up feeling tense because my dream was so real. But anyway….

I’ve been thinking about friendship (it factored into my dream, which is why, at 4:30 I’m thinking about it). I have almost 300 “friends” on Facebook. I do love Facebook. I am in touch with cousins and friends from school that I truly would’ve lost touch if it weren’t for good ol’ FB. But, do I really have 300 friends? If I were to see them at a party would I run up and hug them? I would probably hug a good chunk of them, but there are some that I knew in junior high or some that I like but wouldn’t classify as friends. I know it’s a label that FB gave to those that you allow to see your information. But still, one could feel pretty good by having 900 friends, but do they really?

This all lead me to thinking about those true friends in my life. I have moved away from many of my great friends.  I’ve had a lot of friends move this past year. It’s not easy, but I’ve learned more about true friendships. I have friends that I haven’t seen in months or years, but when we talk, it’s like we were together yesterday. I know that if I had something to talk about or something to ask them to pray for, they would be there. They would pray. I also know they will try to stay in touch. It isn’t easy, and life is so busy. But I will get a short note, a little text, or a quick call. I have a friend that will call me on her 5 minute drive to the post office during work. It always makes me smile…always.
Do I feel close to all my friends that are far away? No. I wish I did. Sometimes distance is too much, too hard. I hate it, but I know it’s part of life. What I’m working on is letting those friendships go, not getting offended that we aren’t close. It’s easy to assume that people just don’t like me because we can’t keep in touch. But that is probably a faulty assumption, and it’s only hurting me.

Whew. Deep, huh? I’m trying to figure out how to end this post, and I can’t come up with anything wise. I just had to get that off my chest. And I probably should try to get back to sleep. I might save this until the light of day. Maybe when I’m more awake it will make more or less sense.

One more thing, though; I know I have friends reading this blog. I also know you don’t comment. I try not to ask for comments, but sometimes it would make me smile. Just sayin’. Come out from the shadows and let me know you’re here!

*Update: It’s now 3:30 in the afternoon. While there were several completely nonsensical sentences, most of this post made sense. And I never did fall back asleep. So I’m pretty tired right now! But my house is clean and I had some nice quiet time on the couch this morning.