Baby Girl really seems to be adjusting well to the packing and moving. Or should I say she “seemed” to be. I am a firm believer that the threes are harder than the “terrible twos”, but she’s been a little bit worse lately. She whines more. She’s not sleeping well. She isn’t sharing quite as well with Buddy, and she seems to want more alone time.
I’m torn. I know there’s a lot going on. I know it’s hard to take it. I’m struggling and I’m almost 30! She’s 3! Every once in awhile she tells me why she doesn’t want to go to “hexas”. We constantly remind her of the positives, but I know it’s hard, even with a big list of exciting new things.
She’s also been clinging to Dada lately. I think she realizes that he’s leaving soon and we won’t be together. It’s breaking my heart. I hate what we’re putting her through! I just want to take her to swim lessons, the park, anywhere to make things “normal” again. But the truth is, things won’t be normal for awhile…quite awhile.

So, I’m struggling here. I understand her sadness and confusion. Where is the balance between understanding and expecting good behavior? We’re all tired. We all need extra patience; unfortunately, those things don’t usually go hand in hand.

Any ideas? How can I make this as smooth as possible? Help!!!

I knew it would hit. It had to eventually. I’m surprised it took this long, but it’s hitting hard. Sadness.

The marathon packing session with friends today wore me out emotionally and physically. We packed so much, though! I am thrilled about that. But I think it finally sunk in that we’re actually moving. To Texas. These things I’m packing will be in storage for at least a month while we find a new home.
My house is a mess and likely will be for the next three weeks. Three weeks. We leave Vermont in three weeks. So I’m trying to cram in as much fun stuff as I can, while packing up everything and trying to keep on schedule for the kids. And right now it seems like too much. I am too tired.

So I’ve decided that instead of packing right now I am going to go lay down on my bed and enjoy the quiet. I will read and maybe fall asleep. But I will just rest. I might regret it later, but right now I need this more than I need to have two more boxes packed.

This mood will pass. I will get my energy back. I will be excited about the move again soon, but right now I feel sad.

Today I have three friends coming over to help me pack. I think we’re going to pack up my kitchen. But then I wonder if it’s too soon to be packing. I mean, we still have to live here. So, what should we pack? I just don’t have any idea!

But I hate packing. I actually look forward to unpacking. I love putting things into their places. I love organizing! Just a side note: when we visited Texas I walked through The Container Store. Oh my! I seriously thought I was dreaming. I could get lost in this store for hours. It’s a little pricey, but what neat things to help in organization!

My friend Tasha drooled when I showed her these. Her boys would love to have these in their room!

Seriously? A hanger for flip flops? My organization for flip flops includes a basket and mass chaos. This would be awesome! (However, $12.99? Yikes!)

Anyway, that was just a side note. Or maybe it was procrastination so I don’t have to think about packing.

My table is overflowing with things that need to go in boxes. Round things, spherical things, rectangular things, square things. And this is why I hate packing. How do you make it all fit? Here’s hoping my friends are better at packing than I am.

So, the moral of this blog post? Don’t call me to help you pack. But if you need help unpacking? I’m your girl!

Okay, not really in the saddle, but back in the running shoes again. It just got cold this winter and I just didn’t want to run. Can we say LAAAAZY? A few weeks ago I got started doing Zumba. I never thought I’d like it, but I always feel great afterwards. I have no rhythm, but one of the instructors asked me if I have a background in dance. Wasn’t that sweet of her to pretend?

Anyway, with temps in the upper 70s and 80s this week I decided it was time to get my lazy self back into my running shoes and hit the trail. I didn’t expect much from my run; I haven’t run since Thanksgiving Day (well, and a few times on the treadmill in Florida). After about 30 seconds I thought my legs were going to fall off. I stopped to stretch again and set off on my merry way. Of course I took the path with a huge hill at the beginning. I just kept telling myself that the burning meant my muscles would look awesome!

Before too long I was into the swing of things and enjoying my run. I ended up going just under 2 miles. I guess that’s not too shabby. Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately) I just found out that a new friend of mine is a runner. She runs slower and for 4 or 5 miles. I tend to run faster for 2 or 3 miles. We’ll see how we do tomorrow when we go together!

I had forgotten how much I enjoy having that time to myself to think, sweat, and enjoy being outside. I’m looking forward to more outdoor runs soon! And if it rains…there’s always Zumba!

I was perusing Old Navy’s site the other day. I have been watching for a certain sweater for Baby Girl to go on sale. I looked through women’s clearance and was shocked! I saw sweaters that I’m pretty sure my sister wore in the 80′s. Now, no offense to my sister, she was just wearing the current trends, but I am not a fan. I wore the slouched socks (two colors, worn opposite), the boat shoes (with laces spiraled around), and huge scrunchies. Oh, I also had one of those plastic things to make the “knot” in your t-shirts. Anyway, I was only in elementary school, but I wore some 80′s fashion. Looking back, though, I’m not a fan. Neon colors, big hair, weird prints. It’s just not my thing. I couldn’t tell you my style for sure, but I would guess it’s more “classic”. I wear jeans and t-shirts or sweaters. Sometimes I can be convinced to get the latest fashion, but it usually takes me awhile. I finally bought a pair of skinny jeans, but I was later than most. I still don’t have ballet flats.

This sweater, with the buttons on the back, I’m pretty sure my sister had one like it. I don’t love it.

The sweater with the cap sleeves. I did wear this sweater. I’m pretty sure it was passed down from my sister. Maybe it’s cute, but I feel like this sweater needs big hair, slouched socks, and a scrunchie.

My brother had shorts in this print. Different colors, (his were neon colors) but this print.

So, I didn’t really see much that I liked during this “shopping trip”. I might wear some of these someday, but it’s gonna take awhile to get the childhood images out of my head. But this coat? Yes, please. I love it!

Again, I know I can’t really claim any style sense, but here’s my opinion, for what it’s worth.

We’re home. So much more on our trip later. Today, though, I’ve been thinking about the things I wish I could’ve brought back with me. Now, I have a big suitcase. Big and orange. I never mistake it for someone else’s. In fact I never have a problem fitting everything in it. The problem comes with the 50-pound weight limit!

Anyway, despite my huge suitcase I couldn’t fit the things I wanted most. Here they are, in no particular order.

- the king bed   It was SO comfortable! Our bed here is a hand-me-down and needs to be replaced. This bed, though? Heavenly!

- the pillow   Again, just incredibly comfortable. If the waves weren’t pulling me out of bed (or the kids, which is more realistic), I could’ve stayed in bed all day!

- The view   I took pictures, but nothing beats being there, hearing the surf, watching dolphins, seeing the sun rise and set.

- The sand  The sand in Florida is white and gorgeous. I’d rather see that kind of white out of my window 90% of the time! (I do love a good snowstorm every once in a while.) Not only that, but sand is nature’s best exfoliator! My feet are soft and smooth!

- My parents   When I left they told me I wouldn’t have to cook for three weeks. And I didn’t. I got to have some time alone every day to walk the beach or run to Target. We chatted, we played on the beach, we teased each other. I would love to have them closer.

- My brother and his family    I loved watching Baby Girl play with her cousins. I loved hearing her tell me she loves them. Before this trip, she didn’t really know who they were. And I loved watching her tease her uncle. Besides, it sure would be nice to have more family nearby.

See? These things couldn’t all fit in my suitcase. But I sure wish they could!

Dear Younger Self:

There are some things that I feel you should know. You know, since “hindsight is 20/20″ and all.

First, I know you are tired. I know that you struggle to stay awake in your classes. Staying up until 11 or 12 seems like torture. Trust me, this is easy! You nap between classes. You have so much downtime. Enjoy it. Go ahead, complain about being tired, but keep in mind that it could (and will) be worse.

Second, be proud of your abs. There will come a day that you’ll have two beautiful children. Along with those children will come a little pooch in your belly. You will weigh less at 30 than you do right now (gotta love college food), but there will always be that little pooch. So go ahead, admire your abs now while you have them.

Third, I know you wish you had more privacy. Sharing a dorm room with two or three other girls gets tight and frustrating. But there will come a day when you will miss it. There’s something so comforting to know that you always have a friend nearby to chat with, cry to, or just waste time. So be thankful, even when you want ten minutes alone. Motherhood can be lonely, but also most rewarding.

Fourth, worry less. Yes, you have a lot on your mind. What job to take? Who to date? What classes to take? Etc. Some of those decisions will affect your whole life. Just trust God. He will guide you. There’s no need to stress as much as you are. It will all work out. Enjoy life. Stop stressing. (Well, stress about that Instructional Technology project a little bit. It might help your GPA.)

Living and Learning,

Amy

*I wonder if I would’ve listened to myself ten years ago. I know it would’ve helped me put things into perspective. I also wonder what my 40-year-old self would tell me now.

I did it. I took a week off. I am not cooking, organizing, or cleaning. Okay, well, I’m doing the basics. I sweep because the feel of crumbs beneath my feet really bothers me. I do dishes so that we can eat the next day. I do laundry so that we have more room in the hamper to add more clothes. But other than that? Nothing is getting done!

I think this Christmas just wore us all out. We hosted for Thanksgiving and Christmas, which was wonderful. It was just exhausting. So I’m rewarding my hard work with a week off. Wednesday night we used coupons for a cheap pizza dinner. Last night we had Subway’s $2 6″ subs (only for December…go check it out!). The other nights were left overs.

I was feeling sort of guilty about the lack of, well, everything. But this morning I decided that it will be okay. Next week I will get back into it all and my house will be put together again. We’ll all still be alive, and maybe, just maybe, we’ll all be a little more relaxed and happy. Ahh…what a beautiful thing!

Happy New Year to me!

I AM TIRED! I feel like I’m in a fog. Buddy just won’t sleep for long periods of time. He’ll be six months next week and he has yet to sleep through the night. I keep seeing updates on facebook, “my baby slept all night!” And these are from friends who have 2- or 3-month-olds. Of course, they may not do it again for several months, but Buddy has NEVER done it! I’m exhausted. I’m at the end of my rope. For the last week or so he has been incredibly needy…always wanting to be held. I am trying to do all sorts of baking for gifts, decorate the house, clean the house, shop, etc. And I just don’t feel like I can do it any more. It’s too much. After talking about someone we know who is making all homemade gifts, baking, etc, I told my man, “I wish I was enough.” Then I remembered my post from a few weeks ago. He is enough. Then I thought of the song Strong Enough by Matthew West. Boy, this is perfect for me right now. So I’ll play this on repeat for the next few days. We’ll make it through this. I know we will. But I can’t do it on my own. I need help! Good thing He is strong enough.

You must think I’m strong to give me what I’m going through.
Well, forgive me if I’m wrong, but this looks like more than I can do on my own.
I know I’m not strong enough to be everything that I’m supposed to be.
I give up. I’m not strong enough.
Hands of mercy won’t you cover me.
Lord, right now I’m asking you to be strong enough for the both of us.

Well, maybe that’s the point, to reach the point of giving up.
Cause when I’m finally at rock bottom, well, that’s when I start looking up and reaching out.

You are God and you are strong when I am weak
I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength, and I don’t have to be strong enough.

I’m having a hard time getting festive this year. I love the season. I’m loving the decorations, lights, parties, etc. But somehow I’m having a hard time getting that into my house. We’re getting our tree Sunday, so I’m sure that will help. I thought I’d write down what I want to do this year, what we will do this year, and what I might just let slide.

Want to do:
-look at Christmas lights with hot chocolate in hand
-let go of perfect and just enjoy what comes
-make a new dessert for every party we attend
-make peanut butter balls (this is usually a MUST do, but this year it sounds like a lot of work and I’m afraid I might eat them all)
-have soup and sandwiches for Christmas dinner (the fancy meal will be Christmas Eve)  I don’t know if I’ll get criticized for this one…you know, breaking tradition and all.

Will do:
-go hunting for a tree and cut it down ourselves
-complete our advent calendar with Baby Girl  (I’m already planning for next year. We’re going to do a Jesse tree with the Jesus Storybook Bible. I’m so excited! It just didn’t happen this year.)
-dance around the kitchen to Christmas music with Buddy and Baby Girl
-send out Christmas cards…they just might be late 

Might let slide:
-planning a party in our house (maybe we’ll just let everyone else play host)
-having the perfect tree (Baby Girl will help decorate it)
-my limit on tv time (there are just too many great Christmas shows/movies out there right now)

So, how about you? Are there things you couldn’t do without? Or things you just might let slide?