Posting around here has been fairly frequent, but the post I want to write most sits in my mind and on my heart. I’m not sure I can even write it accurately. My emotions are jumbled; my mind is racing. It’s hard to clearly write what I’m thinking in this state of mind. I’ve been in Texas for almost two months. I left Vermont 3 months ago. Sometimes it seems like forever ago, and sometimes I forget that this move is permanent. It’s not a vacation. I’m not going back.
Part of the confusion for me is the heat. I’ve lived my whole life waiting for summer to be outside. I spent last winter anticipating summer, long days, cool nights, picnics, walks, etc. Only instead of that summer I’m living a new one, inside, hot nights, early morning runs, and no picnics. Sometimes I forget that it’s August. I feel like I’ve missed summer somehow. I feel like I’m fighting the same kind of emotions that I fight in early March in Vermont. Everyone just desperately wants to be outside. I’m told that come winter I’ll love Texas weather, but right now I’m hating it. I struggle every time Baby Girl asks me if we can go to the park or if we can play outside. Now, lest you think we literally sit inside all day long, I do try to get us outside as much as possible. We go out early and play in the shade. We go to the pool and the splash park. But it’s not the summer I’m used to, and that adjustment hurts.
We still haven’t found a church we like. I still haven’t met many moms. I have yet to meet a mom who has her kids home with her all day long. I know that I can be friends with people who aren’t stay-at-home moms all day, but I would like to meet just one mom who is. Is there anyone out there that can meet me at the mall, Chick-fi-A, or a park? That’s all I’m looking for!
I do realize that many people here don’t understand exactly what I’m going through. Many Texans are just that…Texans. Their families are here, they grew up here. The ones who aren’t have friends or family nearby. My man and I came down here knowing a few people but without family, without knowing the lay of the land, and without a built-in group of people to welcome us. I know that if I ever meet anyone who has just moved here and knows no one I will give her a hug, invite her to dinner, and bring her under my wing. Because I completely understand…all too well. They say it takes a village. I’m in my 4th year of parenting and I whole-heartedly agree. Right now, though, we are village-less.
I’m trying not to complain here. Really, I’m not. But boy, this is hard. We’ve moved before. This isn’t a new thing to us. But the culture shock and climate shock have just about done me in. I remember feeling like it took us about a year to feel at home in Vermont. It’ll take at least that long here, too, but sitting here in the first two months, 10 months seems like forever away.
Will we make it? Yup, I’m sure we will. Will it get easier? Yup. Will I be glad we moved here? Probably. Will I feel that way tomorrow? Probably not.
Thanks for letting me have a pity party. I’ve said it before, I know that we’re supposed to be in Texas. I know this is what God has for us. I just wish it was easier. I wish my mom and dad were here to hug me and play with the kids. (And maybe make me dinner.) I wish we had family nearby. But wishing doesn’t change what is. And what is includes two adorable kids who love to mess up the house and run around like crazies. I’m so glad I’ve got them. Otherwise I’d be REALLY lonely!
Seriously, cutest kids around!
Okay, sad, reflective post is over. On to play with my kiddos and maybe attempt water table time outside. After all, it’s a “cool” 97 degrees right now!